The Art of Wall-flowering and How to Break It

I have until recently been in a relationship that spanned the better part of 3 years. Prior to being in the relation I would definitely say I was on my "A Game" socially. I had no qualms meeting new people, developing relationships them, and more importantly talking to women. After being out of the market so to speak for about 3 years I have lost any hint social blossoming let alone with the opposite sex. In the relationship I didn't have to worry about socializing with girls on a level above friendship in fact I forced myself to avoid it. I learned to fly under the radar, avoid eye contact and assume defensive body positions to avoid coming off that I was interested in anyone other then the person I was with. I met friends through my significant other and for the most part didn't meet new people. Over the course of 3 years I perfected this art of being invisible and now that I am single its hard to make people see me or not come off like a socially awkward pre-teen for that matter. I recently read this book:

It outlined everything I was doing wrong in all aspects of my life both professional and personal. Then told me simply how to fix it. Let me tell you, I feel like a freakin' Jedi after reading this book. It is amazing how perceptive you can be when you know what to look for. This book made me do a complete 180 in the way I thought when I met people and more importantly when I met women. It really gave me a substantial amount of confidence back and thrust me into a world with just the tools I need to cope.

So after thinking and reassessing a lot of things. I found pros and cons of being able to go into "stealth mode" as I like to call it. I'd like to share some tips on how to do it.

Two primary ways to be invisible, hiding in plain sight and hiding out of sight. I know real difficult stuff here. But wait, there is an art to it.

Lets say you are at the mall and you see someone you know in the store you are in. You want to slip past them to the rear of the store. Here is how. Try getting as far as possible from the person when you pass them. Keep your arms crossed; subconsciously this is read as a defensive pose and and it makes yourself look smaller and easier to over look. Use a hand to cover some part of your face be it one eye or your nose; with one piece of the face gone your mind has trouble processing the image and makes it difficult for your brain to piece together the memory. Walk at a medium pace, you don' to linger too long as it might get you noticed and you don't want to go to fast. How hard is it to spot someone sprinting through a book store?! Then when you past them, muster up a mucus rich cough or clearing of the throat. Not too loud to be obvious but loud enough to be heard. People in today's society are germaphobes and are disgusted by mucous. This noise is more then enough to make them avert their eyes. This type of hiding works well for people you know on a personal level.

The next way to effectively avoid someone works well for someone who you don't know too well but are familiar with them none the less. Lets say a boss from your last job who was a big jerk to you. This technique also only really works if their are several other people around and moving. Most people will assume that to hide from someone you should never make eye contact with them. This s in fact wrong. You are more noticeable when you are averting your eyes then when you make eye contact naturally. For this technique you should be at a medium distance (3-8 feet away) and walking in the opposite direction at a medium pace. Like the first technique you are going to hide a part of your face, I scratch my forehead. With your head tilted down make eye contact for no more then 2 seconds. The average time that contact is made is for 3-5 seconds. In public people make eye contact its just natural but not many people hold it. His mind will see you but after you break the eye contact he will dismiss you as another faceless person in the crowd, essentially making you invisible. Unless the person is LOOKING for people he knows or for you specifically this is a great way to avoid awkward conversations with people you went to high school with or dirty looks from one of your ex's friends.

This behavior paired with my not knowing what to talk about when I meet someone made it super difficult for me to act like a normal person haha. Making myself invisible became second nature. It was just easier to not be seen then to get rejected. So if you find this behavior popping up in your everyday life make a conscious effort to stop it. Or a wall flower you will be and a wall flower you will stay.