Realistic Reassessments

Every now and again I take a day and reassess what’s going on in my life. I don’t have a journal and I figure some sort of outlet is healthy. Then again making it public might not always be a good idea >_>. Eh, what happens, happens. 

From an early age Halloween has always been my favorite holiday; October is my favorite month, and Autumn is my favorite season. As I’ve gotten older the season and more specifically the holiday is losing its magic. Every year it seems that my goals for the season become more distant and thus the positive impact the season has on me dwindles. I attribute this to growing up, and while it recognize the cause of this, it still sucks.

When I was younger, I had time to worry about a costume. The money I made at work could be spent on things, like a good costume or going places like Fright Fest or New Hope, PA. And it was so much easier to make plans to do stuff with your friends, because let’s face it, you saw them every day at school. 

This year I spoiled myself a little too much. I decided to be Link from the Legend of Zelda, I was also planning on going to a party in Philadelphia with an amazing girl and a bunch of friends. Deciding that I didn’t want a rinky dink costume, I bought each piece separately. Doing so accumulated into a quite expensive costume. And while I love the costume, it dawned on me that I’m an adult now and one night of fun, frankly, isn’t worth all I had paid for. I have bills and lots of debt now. What was supposed to be fun has turned into a major stress. 

Honestly the cost of everything would be fine if I had steady work, but that’s the thing, I don’t. I do military funerals with the NJ Honor Guard, and while it is great work and pay, out budget has been cut. So I went from working every single day and making lots of money, to absolutely no work at all. I have no way to pay off the costume I bought or the bills I already had. But that’s what adulthood isn’t it? The realization that not everything can be as easy and care free as it once was is a hard hill to overcome.  

The party that I’d mentioned before; it isn’t happening. To make a long story short, there was drama, some disagreements, and some honesty throw around. So not only have I bought a costume that I can’t afford, but I can’t even attend the party I bought it for. Life huh? 

Fortunately I’ll still be spending the Halloween weekend with some friends, and an amazing girl. So not all is lost to the world of grownups. But after this year, I just don’t know if I’ll celebrate the holiday as I always have. This year has just left me drained. 

I know what I have to do. I’m already applying for civilian jobs, and I’m going to try to re-class my MOS to a radar technician. I’ve been told I can get an extremely nice civilian job by doing that. The training is a year long though, and it isn’t guaranteed that I get into the school or that I’ll even find a job when I get out. But it’s something right? I’ll volunteer for deployment if that’s what it takes to get my life moving. I want to move out so bad, and it kills me that only now I realize that all the money I spent on a costume, I could have put towards a new place. Lesson learned. But I’m tired of sitting around and thinking about what I’m doing wrong. I’m taking action now, and I’m going to make my goals a reality. 

I’ve got to make a lot of changes, and I know I’ll be losing a whole lot of people and stuff along that way. But I can’t stay here forever. The end will justify the means, and I refuse to end up like the majority of my family, who live with their parents still. Not to say that I don’t love and respect them. But I strive to be better, I really want people to be proud of me; I want them to be happy they know me.  I’m an adult now. I need to start acting like it and take charge of my life.